Nok's Notes
Your #1 source for all things Trollball.
🎙️ TUESDAY NIGHT TROLLBALL IS BACK ON THE AIR! 🎙️
Helloooooo sports fans, bone-breakers, and blood-letters! This is your favorite fiend, Nok the Corrupter, coming to you LIVE from the ethereal airwaves! Can you believe it? After that little stint in the Demon Prison—thanks again to God King Sir Artorias and his band of merry murderers for the jailbreak, I suppose—we are back for another season of the greatest sport in all of Osterra!
Week 1 is in the books, and by the twisted horns of Lord Orzalon, what a week it was! We had everything: mud, blood, tears, and enough concussions to make a Healer retire early. Let's dive right into the carnage!
⏱️ WORKING OVERTIME: THE NAIL-BITERS
Folks, you couldn't ask for a better start to the season than TWO games going into sudden-death Overtime! The drama! The suspense! The exhaustion!
💰 The New Prosperity Profits (3) def. The Greenwatch (2) [OT]
Down at The Guilder's Field, the money-men hosted Sir Randy's little nature club. It was a back-and-forth slugfest! The Profits tied it up late thanks to a beautiful shot by Abramson Doxia, sending us into extra time. And who was the hero? Yoshi Cathy! The same maniac whose pre-game ritual involves eating a RAW ONION layer by layer! He tore through the Greenwatch defense with tears in his eyes—probably from the onions—to score the winning Touchdown! Chairman Farno must be thrilled; nothing sells tickets like a photo finish!
⚔️ The Kerlauger Runeguard (3) def. The New Monteforte Chaos Creatures (2) [OT]
Over in the Unruly Yard, Dame Terra Monteforte's Chaos Creatures lived up to their name, but they couldn't close the deal! It was a brutal affair with knockouts left and right—Lashondra Niehaus and Mouldon Earl decided to take a synchronized nap on the turf! In the end, it was Johnna Beetner of the Runeguard who tucked the ball away and dove into the endzone for the win! Sorry, Terra, maybe kidnap a better defensive coordinator next time?
🛑 THE ZERO HEROES: SHUTOUT CENTRAL
We had some defenses playing like brick walls this week! If you like watching teams fail to score, oh boy, do I have news for you!
🐋 The Southport Narwhals (4) def. The Tortell Privateers (0)
A COMPLETE WASHOUT at the Buccaneer's Bowl! The Narwhals came down from the north—courtesy of King Nezmear's domain—and absolutely embarrassed the resort crowd. Blood Eppes and Fineman Dolhenty ran circles around the Privateers. It was 4-0! A total domination! I hope Elspeth Ortell has a disintegration spell ready for that playbook, because yikes!
❄️ The South Pole Yetis (2) def. Oak & Onslaught (0)
In the battle of the wilderness, the frozen frontier beat the curated forest! Sayers Erdda launched a beauty of a kick to put the Yetis on top, and their defense held strong against the Wardens' squad. Seiter Aida, the Yetis' healer, was smelling their own socks for luck, and apparently, the stench of victory is pungent!
🏰 The New Ravenfall Commanders (2) def. The Confluence Captains (0)
Sir Tanos's favorites walked into the Glowstone Terrace and shut the lights out! Dusa Curson was the MVP here, dodging tackles and sinking a 2-point shot while Fleme Alis was busy knocking out half the opposing team. Cyfnerth the Butcher would have loved the recycling of bodies in this one!
😈 NOK'S CORNER: THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY
💔 Heartbreak at the Sinking Field
The Zmeigorod Snessengers (2) def. The Ebon Gate Corruptors (0) Look, I'm a professional. I am unbiased. BUT COME ON! My beloved Corruptors hosted those swamp-dwellers and couldn't put a single point on the board? As Utter was out there flattening people with a Greatsword—which was beautiful to behold, truly—but you can't win if you don't score! Valos the Eternal is probably laughing in her bog right now. Disgusting.
🤣 COMEDY OF THE WEEK
The Wyrmwood Stronghammers (1) def. The Haven Lights (0) HAHA! Oh, this warms my cold, dead heart. The Haven Lights, playing on their precious "Hallowed Ground" under the watchful eye of the Temple, GOOSE-EGGED! Riffle Heyde fumbled the ball, Sondra Elaina ran wild for Wyrmwood, and the "heroes" of Haven go home crying! Autumn Jodoin chugged raw eggs for breakfast and ate the Lights for lunch! A glorious day for villains everywhere!
🏔️ HIGH ALTITUDE HIJINKS
The Oread's Summit Tamers (4) def. The Starlight Bazaar Bizarres (2) Up in the thin air, we saw the highest-scoring game of the week! Alwyn Wandy was an absolute monster for the Tamers, stripping the ball, scoring points, and recovering fumbles! The Prismatic Troupe's flashy distractions didn't work up in the mountains. Kython might run a fun circus, but the Tamers run the pitch!
🤕 INJURY REPORT
Too many to count, folks! We had self-inflicted knockouts (looking at you, Rese Halpern of Greenwatch), double-KOs, and more concussions than Chairman Toland has blocks of cheese! The Healers are working overtime, and the blood on the pitch is fresh!
That's it for Week 1! Tune in next Tuesday for more mayhem, more violence, and more TROLLBALL! This is Nok the Corrupter, signing off! Keep your shields up and your heads down! 🩸🏈